Whatcha textin bout Willis?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
