I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
