There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
