Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
