i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
