Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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