i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
