This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
that may or may not have been my penis.
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