I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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