Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
