Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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