I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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