apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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