I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
