mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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