I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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