We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
