If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sorry my hands just texted you
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
