I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize