he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I smell stomach acid.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
