Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
