3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
