some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
