I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
