So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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