Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
