you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
