I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I didn't notice because vodka
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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