Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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