Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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