im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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