the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
