I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
