well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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