i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
