Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
