remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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