We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
