part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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