I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
