Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
