Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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