Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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