there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
