i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
