This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
