You made me cry and you don't even care
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
