we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
