Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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