please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
