Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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