I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did we literally take a cab across the street
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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