your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
