Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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