btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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