i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
