She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize