hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
