This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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