i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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