I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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