In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
