We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
