Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
