I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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